Wednesday, August 8, 2012
Tuesday, August 7, 2012
THE THREE QUESTIONS
It once occurred to a certain king, that if he always knew the right time to begin everything; if he knew who were the right people to listen to, and whom to avoid, and, above all, if he always knew what was the most important thing to do, he would never fail in anything he might undertake.
And this thought having occurred to him, he had it proclaimed throughout his kingdom that he would give a great reward to any one who would teach him what was the right time for every action, and who were the most necessary people, and how he might know what was the most important thing to do. And learned men came to the King, but they all answered his questions differently.
In reply to the first question, some said that to know the right time for every action, one must draw up in advance, a table of days, months and years, and must live strictly according to it. Only thus, said they, could everything be done at its proper time. Others declared that it was impossible to decide beforehand the right time for every action; but that, not letting oneself be absorbed in idle pastimes, one should always attend to all that was going on, and then do what was most needful. Others, again, said that however attentive the King might be to what was going on, it was impossible for one man to decide correctly the right time for every action, but that he should have a Council of Wise
Men, who would help him to fix the proper time for everything. But then again others said there were some things which could not wait to be laid before a Council, but about which one had at once to decide whether to undertake them or not. But in order to decide that, one must know beforehand
what was going to happen. It is only magicians who know that; and, therefore, in order to know the right time for every action, one must consult magicians. Equally various were the answers to the second question. Some said, the people the King most needed were his councilors; others, the priests; others, the doctors; while some said the warriors were the most necessary. To the third question, as to what was the most important occupation: some replied that the most important thing in
the world was science. Others said it was skill in warfare; and others, again, that it was religious worship. All the answers being different, the King agreed with none of them, and gave the reward to none. But still wishing to find the right answers to his questions, he decided to consult a hermit, widely renowned for his wisdom. The hermit lived in a wood which he never quitted, and he received none but common folk. So the King put on simple clothes, and before reaching the hermit's cell dismounted from his horse, and, leaving his bodyguard behind,went on alone. When the King approached, the hermit was digging the ground in front of his hut. Seeing the King,
he greeted him and went on digging. The hermit was frail and weak, and each time he stuck his spade into the ground and turned a little earth, he breathed heavily. The King went up to him and said: "I have come to you, wise hermit, to ask you to answer three questions: How can I learn to do the right thing at the right time? Who are the people I most need, and to whom should I, therefore, pay
more attention than to the rest? And, what affairs are the most important and need my first attention?"
The hermit listened to the King, but answered nothing. He just spat on his hand and recommenced digging. "You are tired," said the King, "let me take the spade and work awhile for you."
"Thanks!" said the hermit, and, giving the spade to the King, he sat down on the ground.
When he had dug two beds, the King stopped and repeated his questions. The hermit again gave no answer, but rose, stretched out his hand for the spade, and said, "Now rest awhile--and let me work a bit." But the King did not give him the spade, and continued to dig. One hour passed, and another. The sun began to sink behind the trees, and the King at last stuck the spade into the ground, and said, "I came to you, wise man, for an answer to my questions. If you can give me none, tell me so, and I will return home." "Here comes some one running," said the hermit, "let us see who it is."
The King turned round, and saw a bearded man come running out of the wood. The man held his hands pressed against his stomach, and blood was flowing from under them. When he reached the King, he fell fainting on the ground moaning feebly. The King and the hermit unfastened the man's clothing. There was a large wound in his stomach. The King washed it as best he could, and bandaged it with his handkerchief and with a towel the hermit had. Again and again the King washed and rebandaged the wound. At last the man revived and asked for something to drink. The King brought fresh water and gave it to him. Meanwhile the sun had set, and it had become cool. So
the King, with the hermit's help, carried the wounded man into the hut and laid him on the bed. Lying on the bed the man closed his eyes and was quiet; but the King was so tired with his walk and with the work he had done, that he crouched down on the threshold, and also fell asleep--so soundly that he slept all through the short summer night. When he awoke in the morning, it was long before he could remember where he was, or who was the strange bearded man lying on the bed and gazing intently at him with shining eyes. "Forgive me!" said the bearded man in a weak voice, when he saw that the King was awake and was looking at him. "I do not know you, and have nothing to forgive you for," said the King. "You do not know me, but I know you. I am that enemy of yours who swore to revenge himself on you, because you executed his brother and seized his property. I knew you had gone alone to see the hermit, and I resolved to kill you on your way back. But the day passed and you did not return. So I came out from my ambush to find you, and I came upon your bodyguard, and they recognized me, and wounded me. I escaped from them, but should have bled to death had you not dressed my wound. I wished to kill you, and you have saved my life. Now, if I live, and if you
wish it, I will serve you as your most faithful slave, and will bid my sons do the same. Forgive me!"
The King was very glad to have made peace with his enemy so easily, and to have gained him for a friend, and he not only forgave him, but said he would send his servants and his own physician to attend him, and promised to restore his property. Having taken leave of the wounded man, the King went out into the porch and looked around for the hermit. Before going away he wished once more to beg an answer to the questions he had put. The hermit was outside, on his knees, sowing seeds in the beds that had been dug the day before. The King approached him, and said, "For the last time, I pray you to answer my questions, wise man." "You have already been answered!" said the hermit still crouching on his thin legs, and looking up at the King, who stood before him.
"How answered? What do you mean?" asked the King.
"Do you not see," replied the hermit. "If you had not pitied my weakness yesterday, and had not dug these beds for me, but had gone your way, that man would have attacked you, and you would have repented of not having stayed with me. So the most important time was when you were digging the beds; and I was the most important man; and to do me good was your most important business. Afterwards, when that man ran to us, the most important time was when you were attending to him, for if you had not bound up his wounds he would have died without having made
peace with you. So he was the most important man, and what you did for him was your most important business.
Remember then: there is only one time that is important -- and that is now! It is the most important time because it is the only time when we have any power.
The most necessary man is he with whom you are, for no man knows whether he will ever have dealings with any one else.
And the most important thing to do is, to do good, because for that purpose alone was man sent into this life!"
And this thought having occurred to him, he had it proclaimed throughout his kingdom that he would give a great reward to any one who would teach him what was the right time for every action, and who were the most necessary people, and how he might know what was the most important thing to do. And learned men came to the King, but they all answered his questions differently.
In reply to the first question, some said that to know the right time for every action, one must draw up in advance, a table of days, months and years, and must live strictly according to it. Only thus, said they, could everything be done at its proper time. Others declared that it was impossible to decide beforehand the right time for every action; but that, not letting oneself be absorbed in idle pastimes, one should always attend to all that was going on, and then do what was most needful. Others, again, said that however attentive the King might be to what was going on, it was impossible for one man to decide correctly the right time for every action, but that he should have a Council of Wise
Men, who would help him to fix the proper time for everything. But then again others said there were some things which could not wait to be laid before a Council, but about which one had at once to decide whether to undertake them or not. But in order to decide that, one must know beforehand
what was going to happen. It is only magicians who know that; and, therefore, in order to know the right time for every action, one must consult magicians. Equally various were the answers to the second question. Some said, the people the King most needed were his councilors; others, the priests; others, the doctors; while some said the warriors were the most necessary. To the third question, as to what was the most important occupation: some replied that the most important thing in
the world was science. Others said it was skill in warfare; and others, again, that it was religious worship. All the answers being different, the King agreed with none of them, and gave the reward to none. But still wishing to find the right answers to his questions, he decided to consult a hermit, widely renowned for his wisdom. The hermit lived in a wood which he never quitted, and he received none but common folk. So the King put on simple clothes, and before reaching the hermit's cell dismounted from his horse, and, leaving his bodyguard behind,went on alone. When the King approached, the hermit was digging the ground in front of his hut. Seeing the King,
he greeted him and went on digging. The hermit was frail and weak, and each time he stuck his spade into the ground and turned a little earth, he breathed heavily. The King went up to him and said: "I have come to you, wise hermit, to ask you to answer three questions: How can I learn to do the right thing at the right time? Who are the people I most need, and to whom should I, therefore, pay
more attention than to the rest? And, what affairs are the most important and need my first attention?"
The hermit listened to the King, but answered nothing. He just spat on his hand and recommenced digging. "You are tired," said the King, "let me take the spade and work awhile for you."
"Thanks!" said the hermit, and, giving the spade to the King, he sat down on the ground.
When he had dug two beds, the King stopped and repeated his questions. The hermit again gave no answer, but rose, stretched out his hand for the spade, and said, "Now rest awhile--and let me work a bit." But the King did not give him the spade, and continued to dig. One hour passed, and another. The sun began to sink behind the trees, and the King at last stuck the spade into the ground, and said, "I came to you, wise man, for an answer to my questions. If you can give me none, tell me so, and I will return home." "Here comes some one running," said the hermit, "let us see who it is."
The King turned round, and saw a bearded man come running out of the wood. The man held his hands pressed against his stomach, and blood was flowing from under them. When he reached the King, he fell fainting on the ground moaning feebly. The King and the hermit unfastened the man's clothing. There was a large wound in his stomach. The King washed it as best he could, and bandaged it with his handkerchief and with a towel the hermit had. Again and again the King washed and rebandaged the wound. At last the man revived and asked for something to drink. The King brought fresh water and gave it to him. Meanwhile the sun had set, and it had become cool. So
the King, with the hermit's help, carried the wounded man into the hut and laid him on the bed. Lying on the bed the man closed his eyes and was quiet; but the King was so tired with his walk and with the work he had done, that he crouched down on the threshold, and also fell asleep--so soundly that he slept all through the short summer night. When he awoke in the morning, it was long before he could remember where he was, or who was the strange bearded man lying on the bed and gazing intently at him with shining eyes. "Forgive me!" said the bearded man in a weak voice, when he saw that the King was awake and was looking at him. "I do not know you, and have nothing to forgive you for," said the King. "You do not know me, but I know you. I am that enemy of yours who swore to revenge himself on you, because you executed his brother and seized his property. I knew you had gone alone to see the hermit, and I resolved to kill you on your way back. But the day passed and you did not return. So I came out from my ambush to find you, and I came upon your bodyguard, and they recognized me, and wounded me. I escaped from them, but should have bled to death had you not dressed my wound. I wished to kill you, and you have saved my life. Now, if I live, and if you
wish it, I will serve you as your most faithful slave, and will bid my sons do the same. Forgive me!"
The King was very glad to have made peace with his enemy so easily, and to have gained him for a friend, and he not only forgave him, but said he would send his servants and his own physician to attend him, and promised to restore his property. Having taken leave of the wounded man, the King went out into the porch and looked around for the hermit. Before going away he wished once more to beg an answer to the questions he had put. The hermit was outside, on his knees, sowing seeds in the beds that had been dug the day before. The King approached him, and said, "For the last time, I pray you to answer my questions, wise man." "You have already been answered!" said the hermit still crouching on his thin legs, and looking up at the King, who stood before him.
"How answered? What do you mean?" asked the King.
"Do you not see," replied the hermit. "If you had not pitied my weakness yesterday, and had not dug these beds for me, but had gone your way, that man would have attacked you, and you would have repented of not having stayed with me. So the most important time was when you were digging the beds; and I was the most important man; and to do me good was your most important business. Afterwards, when that man ran to us, the most important time was when you were attending to him, for if you had not bound up his wounds he would have died without having made
peace with you. So he was the most important man, and what you did for him was your most important business.
Remember then: there is only one time that is important -- and that is now! It is the most important time because it is the only time when we have any power.
The most necessary man is he with whom you are, for no man knows whether he will ever have dealings with any one else.
And the most important thing to do is, to do good, because for that purpose alone was man sent into this life!"
Thursday, August 2, 2012
1
Our first step is a simple but necessary one: buy a medium sized notebook. Use it for the
written exercises in this programme, also to record your experiences and monitor your
progress. Date each entry you make.
Your notebook will become a good friend, teacher and confidant, so keep it near you,
consult it every day and update it regularly.
Commit yourself to spending some time on this programme every day. Just ten minutes
a day – reading, learning, thinking, doing etc – adds up to over 60 valuable hours of
confidence building activity a year from now. Twenty-five minutes a day builds up to one 152
hours in a year – that’s almost a week! Can you think of a better investment for your future?
2
What difference would it make to your life if you knew without any doubt that you could
achieve anything you set your heart on? If you like jot down a few comments in your
notebook.
3
Think about, and if you like write down, what confidence means to you. What do confident
people do that unconfident people do not? What would you do differently if you were
confident?
For example, perhaps you would find it easier to speak up for yourself, show your
emotions, meet new people, or take on more responsibility at work?
4
Write down three beliefs that you hold about yourself which could be limiting your confidence.
Now think of three beliefs you would rather have, beliefs that would empower you and
bring confidence. Cross out the limiting beliefs and write these empowering beliefs in their place.
What would you have to do for these new beliefs to come true?
5
Make yourself very comfortable, either sitting or lying down. Close your eves, take a few
deep breaths and relax.
Allow your imagination to flow freely. What would it be like to be perfectly confident?
What difference would it make to your life?
Let your mind drift for a few minutes, then open your eyes and write down everything
that comes to mind. Keep this list: you have it in your power to experience all this one day.
Remember, whatever your mind can conceive and believe, you can achieve.
6
Commit yourself to behaving more confidently, as from now, even if it feels like an act. Do
what actors, musicians, politicians, sports stars and many others do the world over – pretend
you’re confident, even if you’re not.
For instance, calm your breath, stand upright, look people in the eye and speak with a
clear, unwavering tone: you will immediately feel more confident.
7
From now on make this an unshakable rule: stop putting yourself down. Never say anything
about yourself, either silently or out loud, that you don’t sincerely want to be or come true.
How to build confidence
– an overview
The formula for building confidence, indeed for bringing about any personal change, has fiveelements.
First, develop self-awareness: know yourself, acknowledge that there are aspects of yourself
that you wish to change, and understand what has stopped you feeling confident so far.
Then apply the ITIA Formula© (pronounced eye-tea-ah):
◆ Assert your intention to be confident, and make a commitment.
◆ Change your thinking. This includes changing restrictive attitudes and beliefs.
◆ Use your imagination. Imagine yourself as a confident person.
◆ Act as if you are already confident. The more you speak and behave confidently, the more
confident you will become.
All four parts of the ITIA Formula© are essential, otherwise the change is unlikely to be
permanent, or worse, nothing may change at all.
If this sounds a little daunting, don’t worry – this entire programme is designed around these five
elements – self-awareness, intention, thinking, imagination and acting ‘as if’. You will be
introduced to them in small, practical steps to make it as easy as possible for you. All I ask is
that you apply what you learn, stick with it and be patient. Entrenched habits don’t change
overnight.
‘Self-esteem isn’t everything, it’s just that there’s nothing without it’
Gloria Steinem
*****
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